He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
