make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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