Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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