someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
