So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just found a bag of teeth...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
