Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
