Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
