Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
