Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
