this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she peed on how many people?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
