do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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