If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
