found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
