Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
