so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
