I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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