after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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