Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize