piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
