wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize