I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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