how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
