Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
