I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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