i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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