He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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