Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
