All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
