Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
