Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
