Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
