Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just had sex bonerless
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
