You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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