I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
