Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You dont lie about slip and slides
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize