...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
