Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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