Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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