she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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