They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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