Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
