I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
