I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
