Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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