"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
