This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
