I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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