I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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