so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
