ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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