A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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