Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
