he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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