I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
