Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
