brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
