2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
