I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
