I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
well you can't waste a boner
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I cut my penus on the lid.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
