...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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