I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize