There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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