dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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