I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
